Truly Hideous Gifts

Santa Craft Fail

2010-10-13T13:14:00.005-04:00

Santa was tired of being overshadowed by all of the other shiny balls on the tree.

The payback continues

2010-06-06T18:41:00.003-04:00

Most of you might remember this post from not so long ago. Well, apparently the payback continues. My son received this from my mil:

and this:

One of these days she is going to run out of filthy gifts to give, then what will she do? Give a box of mud?

MIA

2010-05-05T16:36:00.001-04:00

I know I have been MIA lately. I shall return, with the most hideous gifts ever! Stay tuned!

Send 'em in!

2010-03-25T09:33:00.002-04:00

Do you have a hideous gift that you have received from a well-meaning person (or perhaps, not so well-meaning)? If so, please send a pic to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Fancy footwear

2010-02-14T21:40:00.007-05:00

Lauren received these shaggy beauties as a Valentine's Day gift from her in-laws. Not exactly Bally's finest. A subtle hint, eh Lauren? In return you should give them Pledge and a rag. Do I spy Nemo in there somewhere?

An assault on the eyes

2010-02-09T09:38:00.000-05:00

Yuck.

Q: What do these things have in common?

2010-02-04T09:57:00.007-05:00

Answer: MESS

These were the gifts given to my children by my mother-in-law. She told us that my husband had toys with a lot of pieces when he was young, and now it is "payback time". I am being completely serious, she ACTUALLY said that! The Zubber does not have a lot of pieces, but on the package it warns parents that this WILL STAIN your clothes, furniture, skin, etc. My daughter opened it up to play, and was instantly covered in an oily film. You may as well give the child a bottle of olive oil to play with, may even be cleaner than this. I think someone should pour oil on my mil and then dump Paperoni and Pixos on her while she walks across a floor covered with marbles.

The gift that keeps on giving

2010-01-03T11:22:00.002-05:00

A relative, who shall remain nameless (but you know who you are), gave my son some candy this Christmas that expired in 2006. If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times, don't buy candy at Big Lots!

Who let the dogs out?

2009-12-30T17:06:00.004-05:00

This is a "County Dogpound Monster Truck" that my son received for his birthday. This features Hannibal Lecter type dogs, and other various thugs dressed in prison garb, apparently being rounded up by the truck to go back to the big house. This is easily the most nonsensical toy I have ever seen.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-30T16:58:00.002-05:00

For your New Year's Resolution, each and every one of you should resolve to send me pics of your hideous gifts! I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T09:11:00.003-05:00

Have a very merry Christmas!! I will be waiting to see the pics of your hideous gifts!

Keep your eyes peeled...

2009-12-09T12:18:00.002-05:00

...for any hideous gifts you may receive this holiday season. Send in pics to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T13:11:00.001-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

She's nuts

2009-11-17T10:05:00.002-05:00

My son is deathly allergic to peanuts, and has been his whole life. So what did his aunt give him for Christmas last year?

He was never her favorite nephew.

Thanksgiving crapty

2009-11-04T20:03:00.005-05:00

If you are planning on giving crafts as gifts this Thanksgiving, please give something cute like this:

NOT like this Thanksgiving crapty (literally, it looks like):

Send 'em in!

2009-11-04T19:55:00.002-05:00

Have you received a truly hideous gift? Send a pic to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T15:23:00.000-04:00

A Gutsy Gift

2009-10-16T11:48:00.004-04:00

An unsuspecting child received this Hello Kitty anatomy doll for her birthday. Do we really need to see the innards of an otherwise sweet and innocent toy? What is this really teaching the child, that their own organs have faces and hair bows? Someone was on something when they came up with this gruesome idea. I will never look at another Hello Kitty in the same way again.

Crafty + crap = crapty

2009-10-08T09:23:00.005-04:00

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Please don't make crapty.

Make a cool item, like this old guy pumpkin:

Who incidentally reminds me of Dick Van Dyke:

Thanks for listening.

Here comes Squarnta Claus

2009-10-01T09:20:00.000-04:00

Just stick it anywhere

2009-09-16T10:27:00.021-04:00

People will slap a thermometer on anything:

What do you have with a thermometer stuck on it? Please send a pic to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

2009-09-14T20:34:00.000-04:00

Sipping Santa's brain

2009-09-14T14:00:00.003-04:00

I never understood why people would want to drink out of someone's head, yet these head mugs keep cropping up everywhere in every form possible. Disturbing.

Inappropriate on so many levels

2009-09-04T09:36:00.003-04:00

This gift was given to a one-year-old boy for his birthday. It is clearly marked on the box that this is meant for ages 3+. What could have happened: Once his parents opened the box for him and gave him the blocks, he proceeded to chew the splintery pieces before hurling them through every window of the house. What actually happened: His smart parents locked up the weapons deep in the closet for when he is older, and avoided the "thoughtful" relatives for a long time. Now, getting to these "thoughtful" relatives, another point needs to be made here. This gift was not the result of one family, but FOUR families. Yes, FOUR extremely generous families chipped in about 3 cents each and bought these weapons for their one-year-old relative. What gems!

There is nowhere to hide

2009-08-25T10:50:00.005-04:00

This is definitely the worst kind of gift. An ugly outdoor item from someone who lives nearby. Someone received this sightless swan lawn planter from his next door neighbor as a welcome gift when he moved into the neighborhood. What else could he do except put it on his lawn? If I were him, I would reciprocate and give this as a gift to them. Touché.

Returning with more hideous gifts

2009-08-23T23:16:00.001-04:00

I am back from vacation and I have lots of hideous gifts to share with you. Stay tuned!

Let's have 'em!

2009-08-12T16:57:00.000-04:00

Send pics of your hideous gifts to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Stalking Santa

2009-08-04T10:53:00.002-04:00

Santa is always watching...from every angle.

Bunny blues

2009-07-30T09:51:00.006-04:00

I think this fence-decorated boxy fairy bunny is having trouble figuring out where to hide these eggs.

These wrought iron wings can't be helping.

Someone get this poor thing some Prozac. And me too while you are at it.

Not a FINGAH!

2009-07-24T12:55:00.008-04:00

A relative bought this light up flamingo for our yard. That way, we and our neighbors could enjoy it both day and night. "Sadly", it broke when we were trying to put the batteries in the base, a la the leg lamp.

C'mon, dig 'em up!

2009-07-22T20:59:00.000-04:00

It's that time again, when I ask you to please dig into those closets, drawers, attics, and garages to send me pics of your hideous gifts! Even if you think that they are only slightly hideous, trust me, I will find and bring out the hideousness in them!

Send the photos to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Thanks!

Family recipe

2009-07-19T11:53:00.002-04:00

Someone actually gave this to my children as a gift. Rubbery roaches in equally rubbery spaghetti. They were actually excited because they exclaimed, "Look Mommy, just like Granny* makes!"

*My MIL.

Happy Birthday to me

2009-07-18T00:14:00.002-04:00

Today, many moons ago, I was born. Here's my birthday cake. As you can see, I am one of Methuselah's children. Anyone have a match? I lost the use of my hands after I lit last year's candles.

Catastrophic

2009-07-14T19:41:00.003-04:00

"Here's the lovely ceramic cat that my mother got for Xmas. For whatever reason she has always used it as a patio ornament as you can see in the background. All those years when I would waste time trying to tan myself out on the patio, that damn cat would be gazing at me from the flower bed or the steps to the sliding glass doors. It's weirdly been out there for years!!! Too ugly to be kept in the house, I suppose."

Looks like this cat has been dipping into the catnip a little too often.

World's Ugliest Suitcase

2009-07-08T16:31:00.003-04:00

It's time for me to pack my suitcase and go on a trip (thankfully, this is not my suitcase)! I will be back on Sunday evening with more hideous gifts to share with you. Until then, I invite you to revisit some of the hideous gifts in the archive. TTFN!

Shelly Welly

2009-07-05T18:32:00.001-04:00

Or it is a Port-O-Potty?

Happy Fourth of July!

2009-07-03T16:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Fourth!

2009-07-02T12:58:00.002-04:00

Nothing says love for our country like a capful of glue and glitter.

I've got big...

2009-06-28T18:21:00.002-04:00

I don't even know what these are supposed to be, but he looks quite proud of himself.

On a side note, if you click on this, you will see that he has a mutilated Van Gogh ear happening. This whole figurine is just odd and a bit creepy if you ask me. Also, it's time for a change of clothes. Yuck.

2009-06-25T19:39:00.008-04:00

What the ?

2009-06-24T09:11:00.002-04:00

This is the stuff of nightmares.

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T08:39:00.003-04:00

Happy Father's Day! Here's hoping you get a tie as ugly as this one (so I can put it on my blog). Yes, I am still selfish, even on Father's Day (except I'm really not, as my husband is out running a road race right now while I am home with the 6 kids). Go Hon! Hope you don't trip and fall so you have to come home early to help me. I had better go and put this rut maker away before he gets home...

Serve it up

2009-06-19T14:06:00.002-04:00

An anonymous reader sent this in:

"The picture shows one of the gifts that my son got from my mother-in-law last Christmas. Yes- that is a box of precooked bacon. Why? Because he likes bacon? He also likes dirt and bugs (shush- don't tell Grandma)!"

Billy Jr., Mommy is busy. Go play with your bacon and Matchbox cars.

Frightful Fairy

2009-06-18T20:41:00.003-04:00

This is a major assault on my eyes. What is with all of the junk hanging from this flounder-faced fairy? I have no idea, but thank God there is a first aid kit on there, because when my eyes are done bleeding I will need some treatment.

Blech.

2009-06-15T09:32:00.002-04:00

This crafty crappity crap has to go.

We need pics of your hideous gifts!

2009-06-12T13:08:00.003-04:00

Send the photos to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Thanks!

Yay. Let's celebrate.

2009-06-10T10:13:00.001-04:00

Happy depressing birthday.

R.I.P. Norman Brinker

2009-06-09T13:54:00.002-04:00

As a Friday regular at Chili's, I just wanted to say thank you Mr. Brinker for the delicious chicken platter and molten cake dessert.

Oh mye.

2009-06-08T11:05:00.004-04:00

A wife made this for her husband to hang on their Christmas tree. Quite a strange gift, unless her husband is this guy:

Shelly Shipwreck

2009-06-05T10:43:00.003-04:00

Why do people make crap with shells? Please stop.

Mutant on the Bounty

2009-06-01T10:11:00.001-04:00

Now we know why the remains of Noah and his wife were never found.

Three Wolf Moon

2009-05-29T12:20:00.003-04:00

Someone had better send a case of these to my ex boyfriend because he is having a hard time finding a girlfriend who can hold a candle to me. Pfft. Good luck.

Watch out Harry Potter

2009-05-27T09:44:00.004-04:00

Here we have this stunning purple octopus angel complete with a pipe cleaner halo and randomly splattered globs of glitter. While this may not look good on your Christmas tree, it does make a nifty duster. I have to add that this was NOT made by a child. Is it just me, or does this remind you of a dementor?

Dig in those closets!

2009-05-26T11:59:00.001-04:00

Don't be shy- send in a pic of a hideous gift you have received! Send it to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T17:46:00.001-04:00

Thank you to all of you who are serving or have served our country.

Rosemary's Baby

2009-05-22T11:15:00.002-04:00

The same person who received the cheerleading mouse received this peculiar gift from the same peculiar friend, to celebrate the birth of her first child. A bit of advice, drop this crazy friend like a used piece of chewing gum found on the floor in a Mexican hospital in the swine flu ward.

Meowus Maximus

2009-05-20T09:28:00.002-04:00

Here we have this bulbous butterfly cowboy cat decoration made from smelly old nylons and whatever else was lying around the house at the time. The terrified look in its eyes is most likely due to the *ss stuck on its face.

100

2009-05-20T09:23:00.002-04:00

This is my 100th post! Here's to the next 100!

GO ADAM!!!!!

2009-05-19T21:07:00.000-04:00

FTW!!!!!!!!!!

Did you see the gift I got? Yes, I...

2009-05-18T09:29:00.001-04:00

What's that sonny?

2009-05-15T07:46:00.004-04:00

Which is why this thing isn't smiling. More like grimacing. Either that or it smells something bad. On a side note, is this a male or female? It looks like a grandmother with a goatee. Or a hippie grandfather. Either way, it looks like my mother-in-law. Woo-hoo! Went there again!

Ready? OK!

2009-05-13T09:34:00.003-04:00

Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a D! Give me an E! Give me an O! Give me another ear! Give me a U! Give me an S! What does that spell? Hideous! A friend of mine received this when she was a cheerleader in high school. This has to be the creepiest little gift I have ever seen. It's so...realistic. Yuck.

Ugh.

2009-05-11T09:29:00.005-04:00

And friends need to stop giving plaques like this.

I have a feeling that Binta is never going to hear from Marcia again.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-09T20:10:00.002-04:00

Happy Mother's Day! Here's hoping you receive some fabulous hideous gifts like these knit bile-colored slippers.

I'd rather be oinking

2009-05-08T09:01:00.004-04:00

My mother bought me a box of these masks to help prevent the swine flu:

I would have preferred something more stylish, such as one of these beauties:

I particularly like the Nadya Suleman/Angelina Jolie/Joker one in the Greg square. Or the Alyssa Milano one in the Jan square.

We know you've got 'em!

2009-05-06T10:47:00.007-04:00

Ever made this face after receiving a present? We want you to send in some pics of your hideous gifts! Send 'em to:

kelleyandjason@yahoo.com

Monkey see not, monkey do not

2009-05-04T14:18:00.002-04:00

I received this pen from a friend who recently visited Costa Rica. Do you know why this monkey is happy? Because although he has misshapen elf ears and nostrils the size of airplane hangars, behind those dead, sightless eyes he is glad that he does not have the swine flu.

Pass the Pledge

2009-05-01T11:49:00.003-04:00

My cousin received this revolting cat doll for her birthday. Nothing says love like a cat with a bean bag body wearing a tutu in its armpits complete with shriveled up arms and legs. Maybe this thing could double as a duster for that shelf.

Ribbit

2009-04-30T08:57:00.002-04:00

For the love of frogs, please slow down. On a side note, what is that he is pulling out of his *ss? His own leg? The longer I look at this, the stranger it is.

World's Ugliest Weather Instrument

2009-04-28T09:10:00.001-04:00

The Marilyn Monroe hair isn't working for you sweetheart.

Makin' bacon

2009-04-26T08:04:00.003-04:00

Whoa! This is the saltiest salt shaker I have ever seen! Hey Roseanne and Tom, get a room!

Thank you for being a friend

2009-04-25T16:59:00.001-04:00

1922-2009

R.I.P.

Auf wiedersehen

2009-04-17T21:57:00.002-04:00

I have packed my bags and I am leaving for a vacation tomorrow. I will be back in one week with many more hideous gifts to share with you. I invite you at this time to revisit some of the past hideous gifts in the archive. Thanks for reading!

So long, farewell.

Waxing moons

2009-04-17T07:43:00.003-04:00

Not exactly the work of Madame Tussaud.

Pushing up daisies

2009-04-15T08:15:00.007-04:00

This elephant is apparently having a hard time with this basket of flowers. Would you believe that this is the actual orientation of this figurine? Check it out:

Which begs the question: is this elephant dead? Looks like his friend here is not having a much easier time with his flowers:

Don't my friends and relatives know by now that these ugly things are going to wind up on my blog? A simple gift card to Bath and Body Works will do guys. Really.

Stand 'em up and knock 'em down

2009-04-13T07:53:00.003-04:00

When one is trying to be polite about a hideous gift that is received, it is rather difficult to find the right words at the time to thank the giver properly. When I received these salt and pepper shakers from a relative's trip to Jamaica, all I could say was, "Thank you. They are so...whimsical." I graciously left out the part where I say that they look like old pins rescued from a 50s bowling alley. I can be kind you know.

Happy Easter

2009-04-11T20:56:00.002-04:00

A little vino would be keeno

2009-04-09T08:58:00.002-04:00

From the Ted Kennedy Home Collection we have this stunning bank. Even winos need a place to save up for their next bottle.

Wondering about the title? Click here.

Look what washed ashore

2009-04-07T07:56:00.003-04:00

Dreadful.

Now for something more PC (and less JC)

2009-04-05T16:39:00.003-04:00

Someone received this unsightly shot glass from Costa Rica. It appears to be a demonic monkey with moobs. Guaranteed to save your liver.

Yeah, yeah, I'll get to it

2009-04-05T10:12:00.004-04:00

With the big day coming soon, I don't think that Jesus should be lying down on the job, much less be wearing Beetlejuice bellbottoms. He has to die and resurrect within the next week. C'mon, hop to!

And now back to hideous gifts...

2009-04-02T09:58:00.004-04:00

I received this thing as a gift from a relative. It has a total of 32 small holes. I wasn't sure what it was until she told me that it is a votive holder. But I had already found another use for it:

Explanation of the very cool link

2009-04-02T09:41:00.000-04:00

Found here.

Happy April Fools!

Very cool link

2009-04-01T20:28:00.000-04:00

Check it out here.

Woot!

I am not amoosed.

2009-03-31T09:42:00.003-04:00

Jeannie C. sent in this very p*ssed off moose she received as a birthday gift. I would be mad too if I had a lightning bolt for antlers and oversized Q-tips for legs.

The Big Kahuna

2009-03-29T09:32:00.004-04:00

Jen W. sent in this beauty. She writes, "We received this... thing, for Christmas from my husband's brother. The letter that accompanied it described my brother-in-law's trip through a touristy novelty shop, and how he immediately thought it was something my husband might like. I don't know which scares me more: that he thought somebody might *like* this thing, or that he was actually *right* about my husband loving it. It has been "decorating" our master bedroom since 2003, and my husband refuses to part with it."

C'mon Jen, try to get on board! Who wouldn't love a palm tree that gave birth to a Jerry Garcia Buddha head?

Desperate times call for desperate measures

2009-03-27T09:41:00.006-04:00

To make ends meet, the Christmas nutcracker has been moonlighting as other holiday icons, as seen here. Someone should give the poor guy some tips, like don't hold the horseshoe upside-down, and the rectangular white beard is for the Uncle Sam gig in July only. Geez.

Whoooo is it?

2009-03-25T09:25:00.004-04:00

Some unsuspecting child received this exquisite cat-like owl slug. Why must people do this to children? Pure evil, I say.

Trash to treasure

2009-03-23T10:58:00.004-04:00

This is a shirt-shaped wall hanging. At first glance I thought it was just concentric circles, but I looked deeper and found a bunch of olives designed by Andy Warhol. Maybe I will forge his signature in the corner and sell it on ebay.

Here lies basketball...(part 2)

2009-03-21T11:32:00.006-04:00

R.I.P.

Basketball was a great sport, and now it has come to its final resting place. Again. Here is the participation trophy my children received for basketball this year. Please don't let Morty the Mortician order again next time. The kids are starting to get depressed.

For a hairy time, let's play...

2009-03-19T09:05:00.005-04:00

Now I have seen it all. Sure to be on the shelves of your local Big Lots next to the plastic grasshopper dissection kit.

When pigs fly

2009-03-17T09:47:00.002-04:00

From the same person who received the corncob Pippi Longstocking, we have this fine specimen of a gift. I guess we are supposed to smile because we are not the winged obese swine sitting atop of this rock adorned in gothic-looking vines. Yes, that is reason enough to smile.

My eyes are bleeding

2009-03-15T17:40:00.005-04:00

A reader sent in this toothy one-footed wonder with Pippi Longstocking pigtails and the latest in jail wear. Also it is made out of a corncob. It is holding a sign that reads "YOU DESERVE SOMETHING SPECIAL- ME!" Whatever you have done to deserve this, please don't ever do it again.

Spidey Surprise

2009-03-13T09:09:00.005-04:00

My son received this notepad as a gift from a relative. Seems like a good gift with the cool picture of Spider-Man that many boys would enjoy. I picked up the notebook and absentmindedly flipped through it, and found...

a little picture of Barbie on every page.

Weird. And what's equally weird, is the "HOW ARE YOU" at the top of every page. It is a bit reminiscent of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Kinda creepy.

May as well spit in my eye

2009-03-11T09:20:00.003-04:00

And only today.

Yikes.

2009-03-09T08:55:00.006-04:00

Someone received this thing which I can only describe as a deranged Easter fairy in drag, singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the top of his/her lungs. Maybe this would look good in Richard Simmons's house, but it is out of place anywhere else.

More eye-popping fun

2009-03-07T11:27:00.003-05:00

Here we have yet another item from the Marty Feldman Toy Collection.

Sun-kissed

2009-03-05T16:45:00.002-05:00

Someone received this sculpture titled "Kiss of the Sun". I think that "Kiss of Death" would have been a more appropriate title.

Hz

2009-03-04T10:14:00.003-05:00

Hz everyone! Thzs zs a beautzful zntrzcately paznted flower holdzng a szgn wzth a greetzng. Exquzszte!

Doggone floor

2009-03-02T09:36:00.003-05:00

Someone sent in this photo of a gift that they received from a coworker. It appears to be a floor that a dog had occupied at some point. Which, in fact, it had. This is what it is supposed to look like:

Which begs the question, why didn't they include the dog?