I am not amoosed.

Jeannie C. sent in this very p*ssed off moose she received as a birthday gift. I would be mad too if I had a lightning bolt for antlers and oversized Q-tips for legs.

The Big Kahuna

Jen W. sent in this beauty. She writes, "We received this... thing, for Christmas from my husband's brother. The letter that accompanied it described my brother-in-law's trip through a touristy novelty shop, and how he immediately thought it was something my husband might like. I don't know which scares me more: that he thought somebody might *like* this thing, or that he was actually *right* about my husband loving it. It has been "decorating" our master bedroom since 2003, and my husband refuses to part with it."

C'mon Jen, try to get on board! Who wouldn't love a palm tree that gave birth to a Jerry Garcia Buddha head?

Desperate times call for desperate measures

To make ends meet, the Christmas nutcracker has been moonlighting as other holiday icons, as seen here. Someone should give the poor guy some tips, like don't hold the horseshoe upside-down, and the rectangular white beard is for the Uncle Sam gig in July only. Geez.

Whoooo is it?

Some unsuspecting child received this exquisite cat-like owl slug. Why must people do this to children? Pure evil, I say.

Trash to treasure

This is a shirt-shaped wall hanging. At first glance I thought it was just concentric circles, but I looked deeper and found a bunch of olives designed by Andy Warhol. Maybe I will forge his signature in the corner and sell it on ebay.

Here lies basketball...(part 2)

R.I.P.

Basketball was a great sport, and now it has come to its final resting place. Again. Here is the participation trophy my children received for basketball this year. Please don't let Morty the Mortician order again next time. The kids are starting to get depressed.

For a hairy time, let's play...

Now I have seen it all. Sure to be on the shelves of your local Big Lots next to the plastic grasshopper dissection kit.

When pigs fly

From the same person who received the corncob Pippi Longstocking, we have this fine specimen of a gift. I guess we are supposed to smile because we are not the winged obese swine sitting atop of this rock adorned in gothic-looking vines. Yes, that is reason enough to smile.

My eyes are bleeding

A reader sent in this toothy one-footed wonder with Pippi Longstocking pigtails and the latest in jail wear. Also it is made out of a corncob. It is holding a sign that reads "YOU DESERVE SOMETHING SPECIAL- ME!" Whatever you have done to deserve this, please don't ever do it again.

Spidey Surprise

My son received this notepad as a gift from a relative. Seems like a good gift with the cool picture of Spider-Man that many boys would enjoy. I picked up the notebook and absentmindedly flipped through it, and found...

a little picture of Barbie on every page.

Weird. And what's equally weird, is the "HOW ARE YOU" at the top of every page. It is a bit reminiscent of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Kinda creepy.

May as well spit in my eye

And only today.

Yikes.

Someone received this thing which I can only describe as a deranged Easter fairy in drag, singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the top of his/her lungs. Maybe this would look good in Richard Simmons's house, but it is out of place anywhere else.

More eye-popping fun

Here we have yet another item from the Marty Feldman Toy Collection.

Sun-kissed

Someone received this sculpture titled "Kiss of the Sun". I think that "Kiss of Death" would have been a more appropriate title.

Hz

Hz everyone! Thzs zs a beautzful zntrzcately paznted flower holdzng a szgn wzth a greetzng. Exquzszte!

Doggone floor

Someone sent in this photo of a gift that they received from a coworker. It appears to be a floor that a dog had occupied at some point. Which, in fact, it had. This is what it is supposed to look like:

Which begs the question, why didn't they include the dog?