Saturday, February 28, 2009


This octopus has clearly been studying from the Nadya Suleman Conceiving Guide.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Mystery chains

I know what you are thinking: Madonna's earrings. Actually, a reader sent in these beauties from the S & M department at your local Target. She does not know what they are and neither do I. I thought they were ice treads for your shoes, but they are too small for that. So, we can only conclude that they are some type of frightening plaything of Adam Lambert's.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Misguided Attempt to Show Kindness. My mother received this anti-aging electrical mask for her birthday. I'm trying to come up with something more insulting but I've got nada. On a side note, no wonder why Jason Voorhees has such beautiful skin.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Give 'em the boot

This was given to my kids at Christmas from a relative. It must be from the same maker as this. It doesn't even look like Santa's boot. More like a sock with hiking laces and white piped on frosting decorations. Maybe instead of pencils they should package it with a large hammer.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Step right up!

One of our readers received this as a holiday gift. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a book about circus freaks. Wait, is that my mother-in-law on page 24? Tell me I didn't just go there. But I did. I went there.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Surprise inside

We received some lovely Asian pears from a relative. I usually love receiving fruit. But, when I cut one of these open I found this:

It was alive and squiggling around inside holes it had eaten through the fruit. I have not had another pear since.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Shadoobie, my brain's been battered.
I can't stand crackle glass. How did this become artistic? It has the appearance of having been hurled against a wall during an episode of utter anger. It looks like it came straight from here:

Wall-eyed cat-stuck-in-a-log-and-loving-it magnet

Cheesy. And weird. Shouldn't this be a raccoon? Whatever. It's ugly no matter what animal is in there. And narcissistic.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Someone received this as a Christmas present. Granted, they do like cats, but still. Is this absolutely necessary? Why do we need this in the world? The cover alone gives me the creeps. Looks like the inside of the Crazy Cat Lady's house. They have even made a figurine of her:

Memo to Crazy Cat Lady: Please take up another hobby, like stamp collecting. It is a lot less hairy and a lot less smelly. And no one will try to come to lock you up in a mental institution.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you all get some great gifts (and a few hideous ones too of course)!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Multifunctional vase- who knew?

Just in time for Valentine's Day we have this strangely colored faux gold heart-shaped vase.
At first I thought it was for flowers, like any other vase. But, on the bottom it reads, "Food safe. Do not put in warm or hot water longer than 15 mins."
So, I guess only cold liquids are acceptable.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Oh my.

Here it is, folks! Our first censored post! Here we have this gorgeous mug all the way from Acapulco, beautifully handcrafted with a delicately written inscription. There is nothing that speaks class like drinking out of a naked obese torso.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Send 'em in!

I have had some of you send in some great hideous gifts, but now it is time to get out your cameras and send more pics! You can send them to:
Remember, you can remain anonymous if you would like.

Monday, February 9, 2009

A Monstrous Gift

This was given to someone by her new boyfriend. Not exactly the kind of first impression one would want to make. Maybe some flowers or candy would have done just fine. Not an evil pumpkin head vampire portrait. Just my own humble opinion.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Do-It-Yourself Splinter Kit

A 9-year-old boy received this as a Christmas present. It seems like a gift that a boy might enjoy assembling. However, when you open it up you find 4 wooden boards with punch out pieces:

Take a closer look:

You will see that every single wooden piece is split. If you ask me, this kit should come with a pair of tweezers and some hydrogen peroxide.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The gift that keeps on giving

Presents that are presents. That are candle holders. 'Nuff said.

Monday, February 2, 2009


Here we have this elephant (or is it a rat with big ears and a trunk?) that was given to a 5 year old. It looks like a Mack truck ran over it.

Observe the look of terror in its eyes, as it watched the truck approaching. Aside from being extremely homely, this could be a great tool to teach your child to look both ways before crossing. You have to see the positive in everything.